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Thursday, February 3, 2011

I Dislike All The Right Things: Artists to Avoid

As much as I'd like to keep this simply about great music that isn't as well known as it should be, I have to highlight artists to steer clear of. This will probably be fairly expected, and to be honest, I'll most likely just be raiding Billboards to bring you the worst that music has to offer. But as with everything else I'm gonna post here, I'll explain myself. So off the top of my head, here are the worst artists out today.





Justin Beiber (seriously, fuck this kid): The idea of a child pop star isn't such a terribly new one. Hell one could say that it's a sub-genre unto itself, though a rarely good one. But somehow, this little cunt manages to be so excessively bad that it is mind boggling. Sure there are the common tropes of his shitty lyrics, the audacity that a *ahem* sixteen year old knows enough to be singing about love, or the fact that his appeal will only last as long as his testicles take to descend, but I prefer to give the little fuck a fair chance. And oh good god was I mistaken to afford him even that little generosity. Beyond the bland and unappetizing nature of his pop music lies the insidiously underwhelming nature of the music. Let me take a quick tangent here and address the bastardization of electronica here. I'm not a fan of much electronica, but I know good electronica exists and often time listen to it (see Metronomy, The Prodigy, Passion Pit). However, the innovation of these bands come from their combination and manipulation of real instrument sound along with synthesized beats. The pitfall of many hipster bands (there is a qualitative difference between hipster bands and indie bands) is their over reliance on the synthesizer as the only worthwhile instrument. Good electronica and indie bands use the synthesizer as an extension of more typical instruments and offer quirky note changes. Corporate music takes all of the innovation out of this and relies on the synthesizer not only to create all the music, but do it in an overly basic 4/4 time signature with the same overused effects. It's disgustingly unoriginal and at the core of what the music portion of Beiber aka Pre-pubescent cuntbag consists of. For a vocally complex or trained artist this would only constitute a passing hatred and not the burning intensity I feel for this shithead. He has the gall to sing both boringly and poorly as well. Heaped on top of the fact that he claims to be a drummer, and as a drummer myself I sincerely resent that, this little fuck becomes increasingly unbearable.

Lady Gaga: Ok, on a less extreme spectrum is Gaga. Admittedly not as terrible as Beiber but bad and here's why. I know I might get some flak for this seeing as how she's become a bit of an icon, but here status as a music icon is completely unbased. Sure she may have some unique fashion quirks but in what way does that translate into musical acumen? She falls prey to the same musical problems as Fuckface up there and only displays any real creativity in her lyrical skill. However for this particular music fan lyrics mean next to nothing as they have no musical importance (note that there is a difference between lyrics and vocals). She can sing sure but not nearly as well as some of her contemporaries and even then her vocals are repetitive at best. She is also heralded as the second coming of Madonna, in and of itself not exactly a good thing but again I fail to see the resemblance. Madonna was an icon as an advocate of the sexual aspects of women and the youth and encapsulated the sentiments of the era she dominated. Lady Gaga does no such thing and simply rehashes over used sentiments in songs and calls them original.

Ke$ha: Christ almighty (and I'm an atheist so imagine my distress for me to call to Christ for help) let's move on to Lady Gaga light. I'm not even sure if she's still making music but she was bad enough when she was popular to warrant a mention. Talk about overused synthesizers. This "woman" overused them so much that she redefined autotune. For the record, I'm against autotune in general. The idea of pitch correction is so blatantly anti-music that I have a hard time imagining anything that can be more detrimental to music (the occupants of this list excluded). There was a time when it took a long and arduous time to learn how to properly master one's voice and the results were beautiful. Singers were heralded for their musical ability and not just their ability to be over pretentious and steal creative force away from the band. Even with the recent trend in indie music where vocals are off key, they are done so deliberately. It still requires a knowledge of pitch, key, and other such vocal aspects of music to deliberately avoid the right way to sing, much in the way that jazz is a mastery and then dismissal of technical blues skill. In light of the ability to correct one's vocals with a few keystrokes the vocals should no longer be put at the forefront of any band. Even more so, why would a person like Kesha be the focal point of any musical act when she is nothing but an abhorrent combination of the two.

Ok that gets the major ones out of the way. These three have been burning me up due to their popularity, and obviously there are many other piss poor artists out there that deserve to have their albums run through an industrial grade shredder. I'm just too riled up to go any further. I promise that from here on out I'll do my best to avoid talking about these three and concentrate my derision on less obvious "artists".

PS. I wanted to put pictures up of these three but I googled Justin Beiber and seeing him made me gag. Seriously, fuck that kid.

9 comments:

  1. lmao, 10/10

    Though, synthesizers and auto-tune aren't necessarily the same thing. Auto-tune is an audio processing program, while synthesizers are categorized as electronic instruments.

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  2. I feel you on the Ke$ha one. I actually made a rant video about her I hate her so much. Check it out if you want :D: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYtuMUoAscQ&feature=related

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  3. lol I understand your beef, but I can't help but love shitty pop music you know? hahaha.

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  4. haha nice, last sentence pretty much summed it up

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  5. I agree with all of it, that Ke$ha looks like she came out of the garbage. No talent these days, its all autotune.

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  6. poor guy Justin Beiber - has equal amount of haters and fans!

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  7. Justin Beiber cannot possibly take himself seriously as an artist. he is at best a fad product, like pogs or crazy bones were. but a musician? hell no, his vapid pop songs prove it.

    randomramblingggg.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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